(editor's note I wrote this hungover / drunk on the boat...so yea.... its bad)
Dalmatian Coast of Broatia, the Year of our Bro 2016
We are depleted and exhausted as our band of broates nears the end of our epic broyage. As I write this missive, the mates are resting throughout Isabelle’s welcome, but increasingly pungent, quarters soaking up the sun and nursing their wounds (hangovers) from a long series of epic battles (booze sessions). Avast it was all worth it as the islands of Dalmatia have been newly crowned Broatia!
First Bro Gamble keeping a watchful eye on the horizon
This day past started innocently enough with locals paying proper homage to their new Broatian rulers as they strode onto those same shores they conquered days prior after taking Hvar's Spanjola Fortress . The battle was clinched by Brombadier General Scott shelling the port with their own canons, what fools to let us take it so easily!
Port of Hvar City with the Spagnola Fortress in the distance
Brombadier General Scotty with impeccable aim
Our victory lap around Hvar brought us to the gorgeous watering hole of Langanini, where we looked the part emblazoned with the great Broatian crest on our armor (tank tops).
Hvar was a much tougher battle than our complete and utter domination of Korcula. Within minutes of arriving in port two nights past we stormed the bell tower and Massimo cocktail bar, built by Italian Doge’s of years past, overlooking the port for optimal views of any attackers.
Upon victory, we were able to exert our influence at will, demanding a prime table at Boogie Jungle Night Club.
Pics from Boogie Jungle are lost at sea (our iPhones) and will never see the light of day, so here is the full-bellied crew after a hearty dinner with the owner of Belin Zrnovo
An alley in Vis that led down to the shore for the Bros to hide while taking enemy fire (shots
Next was the island of Vis, a truly brogeous, well guarded island. However, it was no match for our cunning and guile as we were able to trick a local named Marko into taking us on a tour of the island’s fortifications from the cold war days - exploring the cannon firing positions, airstrips, hidden tunnels and arms depots as well as secret canals for hiding ships in times of war.
Hidden pirate cove (aka hidden Cold War era port built into the mountain for quick strikes on NATO targets) shown to us by "No Bullshit Holidays" Marko
Armed with this knowledge we were able to quickly sweep up to the top of Vis and plant our Broatia flag on top of the tallest mountain against the backdrop of a victorious sunrise.
Basking in victory...or staring aimlessly away from one of the most breathtaking sunsets ever...wtf bros! you can literally see Italy from here
Locals welcomed us into their vineyards and celebrated our liberation of the island with a local Peka - lamb, veal, octopus and fish cooked under an iron bell….a truly brotastic meal.
Arrrrgghh it 1-3 hours to cook squid, fish, veal or lamb under a hot iron "bell" the locals call Peka
However, not all is well in Broatia, as I write word spreads from the mainland that the Broettes have landed and attempting to conquer the land we have drank so hard for, even going so far as to dub it the Galmatian coast! What an affront to our brominence in the region! This direct assault on our uncontested brothority can not and shall not stand. Avast to the buoy slingshot mates, grabbed your shots of Brodka, wash it down with Brozujsko, on to battle aka booze!
Viva la Broatia*!!
PS - Broates can do two things: drink and dress fly af
*How in the fuck was broatia.com still available? Where do we go to pick up all the internet dollars?